Pastel Communication Co., Ltd.
90% of mothers have trouble with the father-child relationship. Survey of top 10 problems in the relationship between children with developmental disabilities in the gray zone and their fathers ~Pastel Research Institute data research results report~
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Pastel Communication Co., Ltd. (Headquarters: Toshima-ku,
Tokyo/Representative Director: Kayoko Yoshino), which operates Pastel Research Institute, a research organization that aims to prevent problems in the gray zone of developmental disorders from being carried over to adults, Conducted a questionnaire survey to be analyzed. It turns out that “fathers denying their children” is the number one problem mothers have. We will report the survey results along with the TOP10. –https://desc-lab.com/179409/-
[Image 1: https://prtimes.jp/i/54387/460/resize/d54387-460-ee7ea92463a31b24c10e-10.png&s3=54387-460-f9fbb93bae74daff7b71fc15c7ce8382-1200×750.png ]
Hello. “Pastel Research Institute” aims to prevent problems in the developmental gray zone from being carried over to adults, and to find solutions to problems that have not been found even after 5 years in 5 minutes.
According to the Cabinet Office’s White Paper on Gender Equality 2018, “Japanese husbands (with children under 6 years old) spend 83 minutes on housework and childcare, which is low by international standards.”
I did. (https://www.gender.go.jp/about_danjo/whitepaper/h30/zentai/html/zuhyo/zuhyo01-03-08.html) You can see that the relationship between the child and the father is poor if you only look at time. One of the things I often hear from mothers with developmental disabilities in the gray zone is the father-child relationship. Therefore, we conducted a survey to find out what kind of problems they actually face.
[Survey overview] Survey period: May 17, 2024 to May 19, 2024 (3 days) Respondent: Pastel Research Institute reader/email magazine reader, Nicotto! A total of 136 students, developmental science communication trainers and researchers Survey method: Internet survey
Are you currently having problems with the relationship between father and child?
[Image 2: https://prtimes.jp/i/54387/460/resize/d54387-460-d4023aee0b59795e8a6b-0.jpg&s3=54387-460-e3b3f7782b93f111fd56b0910bd8d8ec-1000×1000.jpg] 90.4% of respondents answered that they had problems with the father-child relationship.
When did you first have trouble with the relationship between father and son?
[Image 3: https://prtimes.jp/i/54387/460/resize/d54387-460-d6362ecc54cd277615ee-1.jpg&s3=54387-460-aaba14ecc4c3beaf5f583dc7d470ebfe-1366×1600.jpg] Less than 1 year was 9.8%, 3-4 years and 5-6 years was the most common at 15.6%, 1-4 years totaled 37.7%, and 4-7 years totaled 31.1%. It turned out that the relationship between father and child has been troubled over a period of time.
At what age did you start having problems? (From answers from elementary school students and younger)
[Image 4: https://prtimes.jp/i/54387/460/resize/d54387-460-fa4f05e522a8bf0caa81-2.jpg&s3=54387-460-5775838766d6fbf528807e9d4d13274b-1366×1400.jpg] It was found that 67.8% of children had problems in the relationship between father and child before entering elementary school.
The highest percentage was from age 4 at 17.2%, followed by 13.8% from age 3, and 11.5% from age 5. The figure was 10.3% at the age of 6 when they entered elementary school, and 78.2% began to have problems in the relationship between father and child by the first year of elementary school.
Top 10 problems in father-son relationships
The 123 people who answered that they had a problem were asked to indicate the specific problem that applied to them.
[Image 5: https://prtimes.jp/i/54387/460/resize/d54387-460-60efd1cdee5b144cdfcf-3.jpg&s3=54387-460-694c8946173d79437ac7b9a374b23c07-1366×1200.jpg] 1st place: 47.2% of respondents answered that fathers deny their children (e.g., “That’s no good,” “Why can’t we do it?”) 2nd place was 39% who answered that “fathers often preach to their children.” Many fathers are troubled because the relationship between father and child does not improve when they see fathers trying to explain to their children with developmental disabilities and gray areas what is wrong and what they must do in a logical manner to make them understand. I understand that.
3rd place: “Fathers’ demands on their children are too high” (35%), indicating that fathers are expecting a level that is not appropriate for the child’s developmental stage, and mothers understand that this is not suitable for their children. I will.
Fourth place was “Fathers don’t have much time to spend with their children” (33.3%), a problem said to be faced by many fathers in Japan. If you spend less time with your child, it may be difficult to understand how your child is doing, and it may be difficult to deepen your relationship with them. We asked fathers how much time they spend with their children.
How much time fathers spend with their children on weekdays
[Image 6: https://prtimes.jp/i/54387/460/resize/d54387-460-06a9eb036a9d98fa0e31-4.jpg&s3=54387-460-6bdebdb310955c5f5b182d957b1e83c0-1366×800.jpg] On weekdays, 32.6% spend less than 30 minutes, 23.7% spend less than 30-60 minutes, and 23.7% spend less than 1-2 hours, indicating that 80% of fathers spend time with their children on weekdays.
How much time dads spend with their children on weekends
[Image 7: https://prtimes.jp/i/54387/460/resize/d54387-460-a60ceade935463553bb4-5.jpg&s3=54387-460-5ee4de31e6628c62d37700c77170eb5a-1366×800.jpg] On the weekends, 42.2% of respondents said they spent 6 hours or more, indicating that some fathers spend a lot of time with their children. On the other hand, on weekends, 14.1% spent less than 30 minutes, and just under 30% spent less than 2 hours (total). It turns out that there are a certain number of fathers who spend less time with their children.
Let’s return to the top 10 troubles in father-son relationships starting with 5th place.
5th place was “Fathers violently explode with anger towards their children” at 32.5%, highlighting issues with fathers’ emotional control and tantrums. Even if you harshly scold your child, they will only shrink back and will not be able to change their behavior, which can lead to a vicious cycle of being scolded even more.
Let me introduce you to some other problems.
6th place: “Children avoid their fathers” 27.6%
7th place: “Children hate their fathers” 26%
8th place: “Children are afraid of their fathers” 23.6%
9th place: “Children are angry at their fathers” 18.7%
10th place: “Father is indifferent to child” 17.1%
“Father treats child maliciously” 16.3%
“Fathers spoil their children too much” 15.4%
“Child abuses father” 13.8%
From 6th place onwards, the child’s relationship with his or her father was also ranked. Avoid, hate, fear, or get angry. It can be seen that the mother is troubled by the fact that the father and son do not have a safe and secure relationship.
What do mothers do when they are struggling with the relationship between father and child?
Please let us know if there have been any specific efforts you have made to resolve any problems you may have.
[Image 8: https://prtimes.jp/i/54387/460/resize/d54387-460-44538952eab243a7cc80-6.jpg&s3=54387-460-9624c30fa2beb6c98da11404cee57be9-1366×800.jpg] More than half of the respondents (57.4%) answered, “I ask fathers to respond in ways that are appropriate for the child’s
characteristics.”
This suggests that fathers, like mothers, are expected to understand the characteristics of their children and respond in a way that is appropriate for their children.
The next most common responses were “Sharing with fathers what I am learning about child development” (53.3%) and “Explaining
characteristics of children to fathers” (52.5%). This also shows that mothers want to improve relationships by sharing and understanding what they have learned about their children’s development and characteristics.
In addition, 27.9% of the respondents said that their mothers affirmed and appreciated that they were able to become fathers. It can be seen that mothers hope that by affirming and thanking fathers and smoothing the relationship with fathers, fathers will increase their positive behavior towards their children.
After that, 6.6% of respondents said they would like the doctor to explain the child’s characteristics to the father, and some
respondents tried to have a third party approach the father. From this, it is easy to see how mothers go through trial and error by changing their own responses to problems in the relationship between father and child.
While we are taking various measures, we asked if the situation has improved.
[Image 9: https://prtimes.jp/i/54387/460/resize/d54387-460-f83ecf4170dadf9792c4-7.jpg&s3=54387-460-10f44dd516683611c9610410111b70b3-1000×1000.jpg] 65.6% of people answered “No”.
Many mothers respond by sharing with fathers their knowledge of children’s characteristics and development, as well as how to interact with children according to their child’s development, but it turns out that the relationship between fathers and children has not improved. Ta.
I asked him why there was no improvement.
・Even though he has special characteristics, he thinks that he is just being spoiled. I think I can do it if I try.
-Fathers don’t listen, or rather, don’t try to understand the differences from the era in which they grew up.
・The father’s ideas are fixed. don’t listen to me.
I realized that I was in a situation where my mother was not being listened to. ・My husband doesn’t receive much positive attention, so he takes what he says to me as a denial of himself.
・My father is not very grateful.
・Lack of trust between myself and my husband.
This suggests that the reason mothers are not being listened to is that communication between mothers and fathers is not smooth. Also,
・The father also has a developmental disorder, which seems to be due to his inability to understand other people’s feelings or read the atmosphere.
・I think this is due to the developmental characteristics of the father. We also learned that the situation is difficult to improve due to the developmental characteristics of the father.
If the relationship between father and child continues to be poor, the atmosphere at home becomes bad, the home becomes no longer a safe and secure place, and the mother tends to feel physically and mentally strained.
Did it improve? We asked the 34.4% of moms who answered “yes” to this question how they improved.
・I stopped trying to get my child to study while he was not attending school. ・Even when I lose my temper, I don’t get too angry anymore.
・I almost no longer have to deny anything.
・I no longer directly express my opinions and opinions to my children. This shows that the way fathers are involved is changing.
・It has become somewhat calmer. That’s because the child has calmed down. ・My daughter is now able to quickly calm down her anger by telling her, “This is how I feel right now.”
If mothers change the way they respond to their children, the child will calm down, and the father will become calmer, and if the mother deepens her understanding of the child and expresses that
understanding to the father, the father’s reaction will improve. I can see that things are changing.
It turns out that the key to problems in the father-son relationship is the mother’s response at home.
How should I deal with a dad who won’t listen no matter how much I explain to him, or a dad who has developmental characteristics? When asked, “If there were a study session or booklet that showed effective solutions to problems, would you want to attend or read it?”, 91.8% of respondents answered “I would like to try it.”
[Image 10: https://prtimes.jp/i/54387/460/resize/d54387-460-f1a27d05ccd445708b10-8.jpg&s3=54387-460-ce59516c6675a3aa4cd5af2117302fbf-1000×1000.jpg ]
I could feel the mothers’ desire to do whatever they could to help with the problems in the relationship between fathers and children. At Pastel Research Institute, we would like to provide ways to quickly resolve problems in the long-term relationship between fathers and children. We will release a booklet with tips for moms to find out what is best for their children and dads, and to help moms solve problems at home. This booklet is scheduled to be released on June 19th. If you would like to receive notifications, please sign up for our e-mail newsletter here.
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[Image 11: https://prtimes.jp/i/54387/460/resize/d54387-460-777accf649220afb5743-9.jpg&s3=54387-460-8057ca7cd18183b3ebd83ea029c00fa8-600×600.jpg] 【Company Profile】
Company name: Pastel Communication Co., Ltd.
Representative: Kayoko Yoshino
Address: 45th floor, Sunshine 60, 3-1-1 Higashiikebukuro, Toshima-ku, Tokyo 170-6045
Business content: Management of child-rearing courses/research and development related to development/start-up support business URL: https://desc-lab.com/
Supporting members of “Healthy Parents and Children 21,” a national movement that brings together all relevant people, related
organizations, and organizations with the aim of realizing “a society in which all children grow up in good health.”
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